I had some “feels” to get out into the world, so here they are

I’m sorry for the lack of updates the last few weeks. Things are still happening in the garden (and mostly in my kitchen windowsill), but I just wanted to write a little post about one of the reasons why I have been preoccupied with life.

My grandpa has not been doing well lately. And I have not been doing very well with that. But I am flooded with feels and I just need to say some words about it. They may not be eloquent, but I need to get some of them out of my brain.

It is terrifying to watch the strongest man you have ever known become really “old”. I know that my “grumpy” is still there, trapped in his now old body and not knowing what to do. And I just have so many feels about the whole situation. Mostly guilt for not being able to visit him and my grandma much. And mostly anger for how he has been treated at the local hospital by people who are supposed to help you when you are at your most vulnerable. (NOT losing his clothes and personal belongings and sending him in a hospital gown for an hour long ambulance ride, when my grandma could have easily brought clothes for him, and NOT letting him feel so alone and trapped there… He might be old, but he is still a human and deserves some dignity and respect… Having been under their “care” during some terrifying moments in my own life, I can only imagine how my grandpa feels) And all of this guilt and sadness and anger and heartbreak I am feeling is so so so so so so overshadowed by my admiration for my grandma and all of her strength through all of this. She is an incredible woman and I hope that I inherited just 1% of her amazingness and strength and mostly love.

That is all for now… Any good vibes you could send out to my grandparents would be so wonderful. Thanks for reading my ramblings in my little corner of the internet… I’ll tell you all about my backyard revamp and the progress of the seedlings I’ve been telling you about these last few weeks very soon.

 

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2 thoughts on “I had some “feels” to get out into the world, so here they are

  1. I have the same feels about the “Cranky Old Asshole” and also my grandma especially. She forgets everything now, and she KNOWS her mind is going and she just hates it. I am sorry your grandfather is unwell, and I definitely know all the feels, and it sucks. It’s awful watching the people you admire so deeply become really old, and I can only imagine how terrible it must be for them as well, in many regards. I know they must feel frustrated at not being able to do things for themselves anymore, and be treated with such indignity by hospital staff.

    All the hugs, and I am glad you shared your feels with us.

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