Words

Words have been building up inside of me, and I feel the need to say them… or at least type them out into the world.

I grew up being told (and believing deep to my core) that I could do anything. That no matter how many people doubt you and tell you “you can’t”, If you just work hard toward your dream that it will happen. You have yourself and that is it. I realize that last sentence seems a tad bit harsh. But really. You have a dream, and you need to work to make it happen. Nobody else does. Others might help you, or they might cut you down. It is your job to focus on your dream. The dream might change and grow and adapt as you build it. But it is yours and yours alone.

I grew up in a small town, that is a hour away from the nearest city, two and a half away from the nearest real cities. It is a cliquey little town that makes it hard for new people. Honestly, I wouldn’t know first hand, since I lived there from 3 months of age, until I was nineteen. It is the kind of place that puts hair on your chest (as my dad would say… which is a weird thing to say to your daughter). It is a beautiful, but harsh place to grow up. I grew up learning to always try to see the beauty in the harshness (it is an on-going challenge).

I grew up entertaining myself because I didn’t have any brothers or sisters. Which I have always been on the fence about. On the pro side, I got more things that I wanted because my parents didn’t have to split things between multiple kids. On the con side, everyone always assumed that I only got things because I was an only child. Specifically relate that one to horses. I only got a horse because I was an only child. It was insulting then as it is now. Because what none of them saw, was me working my ass off for the privilege of being near horses. I never expected it to just happen, and I am so grateful to my parents letting me go do what I knew deep to my core that I wanted, even though they are a little afraid of horses. I grew up covered in horse hair with a huge smile on my face.

I grew up trusting my gut and relying on myself when I had to. I grew up loved and cherished and nurtured. I grew up past a pretty good case of modern teenage angst. I got to live a dream that a I grew up dreaming, and I have (somewhat begrudgingly) accepted that my future no longer contains living in that dream anymore. Instead, it is a future filled with stories from that dream, and the building of a new dream, that has been there all along. It was just shadowed by the giant dream that I actually got to nurture into fruition.

I grew up with so much, and I am so blessed. When the crap of the universe gets me down, I need to look around and realize that it really isn’t so bad, and this is just a dark patch. Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow, or maybe the next day. Until it does, I’ll just look up at the stars.

I thought I would share some lessons I have learned with you. Mostly because I need to remember them myself from time to time. (right now being one of those times)
Stop doubting yourself. Build your life around the people and things that you love, and never accept anything less. Take care of the things and people (and animals) that matter the most to you, no matter what. Stop clinging on and just go with it. Trust your gut.

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